in your presence

in the midst of your presence, suddenly i'm released from all my worry, doubt, striving and hiding. in a moment here with you, my heart overflows with trust and a deep sense of security. in the light of your glory, i stand humbled and in awe, that your goodness and strength is so great, that i'm at peace with being so small. it's when i draw near to you and all you are, that i become okay and unaware of all i am not, and more sure of who you've made me (uniquely) to be. and in the gaze of your faithful love, hope arises and fills every part of me, knowing-oneday- it'll all be worth it.

that there will be a day when all the pieces come together... the unknown, become known. the why's, answered. every tear, wiped away. all confusion, at peace. when the Faithful one comes and covers all. joy restored and all redeemed. the One all my hope's in and forever had faith in, right before me, is now my sight. ah... for that day, i await.

"though you have not seen Him, you love Him; and even though you do not see Him now, you believe in Him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious Joy! for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your soul."

1 peter 1:8

-kristy

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" (doubt) are like wind-whipped waves..(being tossed about at sea). Don't think you're going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.

Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life.

Don't let anyone under pressure to give in to evil say, "God is trying to trip me up." God is impervious to evil, and puts evil in no one's way. The temptation to give in to evil comes from us and only us. We have no one to blame but the leering, seducing flare-up of our own lust. Lust gets pregnant, and has a baby: sin! Sin grows up to adulthood, and becomes a real killer.

So, my very dear friends, don't get thrown off course. Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven. The gifts are rivers of light cascading down from the Father of Light. There is nothing deceitful in God, nothing two-faced, nothing fickle. He brought us to life using the true Word, showing us off as the crown of all his creatures.

.................................

Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear. God's righteousness doesn't grow from human anger. So throw all spoiled virtue and cancerous evil in the garbage. In simple humility, let our gardener, God, landscape you with the Word, making a salvation-garden of your life.

Don't fool yourself into thinking that you are a listener when you are anything but, letting the Word go in one ear and out the other. Act on what you hear! Those who hear and don't act are like those who glance in the mirror, walk away, and two minutes later have no idea who they are, what they look like.

But whoever catches a glimpse of the revealed counsel of God—the free life!—even out of the corner of his eye, and sticks with it, is no distracted scatterbrain but a man or woman of action. That person will find delight and affirmation in the action.

~James 1 message

..the woman with a past...

Luke 7:36-50

....the woman with a past who wept at the feet of Jesus with such adoration and love.. the woman who knew where she had come from, tried everything the world had to offer, and was left exhausted by everything she had for so long chased after...the woman who then finally met and fell in love with her Savior, the One who truly free'd her from it all.

i'm taken back to the familiar feeling of being so tired of everything i tried clinging to letting me down and not filling the deep need of my heart.. to the point of frustration and disgust with myself- that i was done.. falling to the feet of Jesus and surrendering it all. i relate to this woman so much.. when i read her story, i easily picture myself. being that woman with a past, and knowing the depth of my bondage and all the struggles within myself, brought me to Jesus... and with one touch from Him, i was forever changed. my life of guilt, shame and sin was completely forgiven and washed clean when i met Him. this Man that i had heard of since i was a child but could never understand.. until i desired to know Him, and when i searched, i found Him. the power of knowing the fullness of Him, His love for me and experiencing His presence fully engaged to every part of me- knowing me to my core- and still loving and wanting me. this man, Jesus, who lived a completely perfect, blameless walk, died a death so brutal... all for me, because He loves me and longs for my freedom. when i was so disobedient, chasing after things of this world and my own desires-- He lived obediently, even to the point of death, so i (we) could be free and once again with our Father..so that Nothing could seperate us from His love. a love like this i've never known.

i was once bound to a self destructive lifestyle, trapped and enslaved to the hurt within myself and now, i walk in freedom bc of the love of my Jesus. much love and passion flows from this heart that knows Him. i now live my life, in complete surrender, passionately in love with the One who saved me.

".....she who has been forgiven of much, will love much." Luke 7:47

...some oldies...

Day 22 continues to 23

the past 21 days have absolutely wrecked my life. God is so good. He's taught me so much; probably one of the most surreal "potter-clay molding" moments yet. i feel layed out before the Lord, in complete surrender to Him. every aspect of my life was placed at His feet in complete devotion to Him, saying God it's yours. my heart longs nothing more than the will of my Father. i want to honor and please Him with every part of my being, every area of my life. i committed my finances to Him and through His guidance, i'm building a future for me and Kaylie. so excited, i will be debt free this year!! i'm learning a more frugal way of living, joining in on iheartpublix.com and infamous couponing! my first grocery trip with coupons, i bought $63 worth of groceries, saved $36 and only spent $27!! i left there beaming with excitement (it's the little things). whew, i can do this!

i also am learning to better parent by the perfect parent Himself. Miss Kaylie Faith is coming up on the big 5 in July and her little self has shown quite the attitude (rolling her eyes, "just whatever mom", morning fits about what she's going to where, and oh those "little white lies") Father help me. so much frustration was building in me bc this is the first time i've faced these challenges and i felt like i was failing. for me, in the baby stages... it's natural to feed, nuture, love and cuddle my precious baby girl. my weakness- discipline! i've found myself in moments of desperation wanting to ball my eyes out, saying God what do i do?!  i never complain about being a single mom bc we truly have so much support and love that i know we are beyond blessed! i (we) have a huge support system around us that is rock solid, i have the greatest family ever. with that said, it's hard trying to be both mom and dad. i'm not dad, i'm not meant to be. i have to be the very best version of mommy that i know God's created me to be and allow God to fill the role of Father in her life. i'm reading Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp,. it's a hard read for me bc of the stretching that's taking place but i know that i'm learning so much and the benefits are already showing from that. last night, she came in and got ready for bed, put her dirty clothes in the hamper and her shoes up in her closet, without ever being told!! YES LORD!! (it was rewarding to see, i had such a proud mommy moment).
the book teaches you to look at the matters of the heart and realize the heart issues behind the reason they are acting out, getting to the core and breaking it off now. understanding that we (parents) are to view it in the light that ultimately, we are leading our childrens heart to delight in obeying our Heavenly Father, not just to make them act right when it's convenient for us (so humbled by this).
Kaylie's my delight. i find myself just watching her laugh and being so goofy (i don't know where she gets that from) .. it brings so much joy to my soul. i have to put myself in place sometimes, bc i can get so busy and caught up that i miss those things. our favorites are singing as she plays her hot pink acoustic, imagining we're princesses in a castle waiting for our Prince Jesus and bed time stories that she reads to me by the pictures she see's are my favorite. we love to play hide-n-seek all through the house, running from room to room. the priceless bedtime prayers at night, comforting boo boo's and if ever she finds me crying, she always says, "it's okay mommy, Jesus is right here." i then, can't help but smile. oh my sweet kaylie faith. what a precious life God has blessed me with to shepherd and lead her little heart. a little life that matters so much to me and so much more to God, that even when she was in my womb, God himself was watching over her.  

 excited to continue to share all that i'm learning...

kristy

little things you now know

i love anything sweet: nerd ropes are my favorite candy and funfetti cake w/ vanilla icing is my dream cake, always (or maybe strawberry with vanilla..either/or ;).

 i can be a bit indecisive on some decision making

but when it comes to what i believe in, i'm very strong willed.

mmmm.. a good cup of joe is the best.

so in love with the word..it's life to my spirit 

i love to be outside!!.., as long as it's not cold. (can't stand cold weather)

i'm a huge scenery person..i'm captivated by it, it's where i find serenity.

my family is tighly knit.

family gatherings for us revolve around good home cookin' and lots of screaming lil ones :)

i have this creative side to me, that when i slow down.. there's a million things i'd loved to do..

such as.. baking creations, painting, writing, photography and learning to play the piano.

i love to get away and just be.

when i watch movies, i tend to want to accomplish what i see.. such as wanting to hunt for treasure in the deep ocean, or have my own lil flower shop.

my little girl and i have quite the fun together with our princess castle imaginations.

when we go anywhere, we typically hold hands and skip.

i treasure time with dear friends..

leah, our swing/long walk conversations or even over some sweet cream(leah)/cake batter(me) ice cream with health bar on both...

josie, our gut-hurting laughs and your most awful cher impersonations, even better our tribute to all women.. LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD.. dancing, singing, hurled over laughing... (always our time together)...

my dearest sisters,... always full of all kinds of conversations...laughing and poking sisterly fun at the YaYa's, as we call ourselves...

my lovely mom.. still, at 24, i can rest in her arms and still feel so much love and so safe, she is my rock.. at times we've gone round and round, but at the end of the day, it's bc we are so much alike. she's my hero.

oneday, i want to write a book of my life story.. God has done a beautiful redeeming work, that can only be credited to Him and Him alone. He is so faithful. He's always been there.

Jesus is my absolute everything, nothing in this world can ever compare.

 (Luke 7.. she who has been forgiven of much, will love much)

i want to live on purpose, making everyday count for something great.

i want to oneday leave a legacy.

one of my favorite lyrics by Brooke Fraser:

"When the years are showing on my face, and my strongest days are gone. When my heart and flesh depart this place, from a life that sung your song..  You'll still be the One I want, You'll still be the One I want."

Favorite quote, C.S. Lewis

""If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was not made for here."

I want the motivation of my being to be founded and built on love, that way every expression and movement will overflow from that very thing-love.

i want my life to be genuine.

a favorite verse, Matt 5:5 (message)

"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought."

matthew 13

What do you make of this? A farmer planted seed. As he scattered the seed, some of it fell on the road, and birds ate it. Some fell in the gravel; it sprouted quickly but didn't put down roots, so when the sun came up it withered just as quickly. Some fell in the weeds; as it came up, it was strangled by the weeds. Some fell on good earth, and produced a harvest beyond his wildest dreams.

Study this story of the farmer planting seed. When anyone hears news of the kingdom and doesn't take it in, it just remains on the surface, and so the Evil One comes along and plucks it right out of that person's heart. This is the seed the farmer scatters on the road.

The seed cast in the gravel—this is the person who hears and instantly responds with enthusiasm. But there is no soil of character, and so when the emotions wear off and some difficulty arrives, there is nothing to show for it.

The seed cast in the weeds is the person who hears the kingdom news, but weeds of worry and illusions about getting more and wanting everything under the sun strangle what was heard, and nothing comes of it.

The seed cast on good earth is the person who hears and takes in the News, and then produces a harvest beyond his wildest dreams